I wanted to write a new article for this week, but my brain cells are not participating in me hahahahaaa. I just looked at my previous old posts and drafts here in my WordPress dashboard and surprisingly I have lots of draft articles from 2017 and 2018. Now I can share with you some of my old drafts from now on if I don’t have anything to write. For this post, it is all about my mental illness from 2016 and I had bad days when I wrote this article. I know that this blog will not give you happy vibes because it was my personal experience of having a mental illness and self conclusions. So here we go!

Dear Friends, I Live Life With Anxiety Disorder

Okay, I have to write this without any fears.

To be honest, I’m not comfortable sharing the real thing about my illness that I carry for almost 3 years. It feels like I carry an invisible world that nobody sees it. I rather chose to keep it as my darkest secret and pretending that I’m alright. In this world, everyone can judge you based on what you say in social media. That’s why I’m always careful and watch over my actions.

Last January 2016, I was diagnosed with having an Anxiety Order, a serious mental illness that affects the physical body from mind manifestation, which my life changed instantly from being normal to different. It was hard to wake up in the morning with unexplained feelings that gave me thoughts about my existence.

I seek medical help by a Neurologist and she gave me lots of medications such as Escitalopram, an anti-depressant drug, and Inderal, an anti-angina drug for almost 6 months, but I felt the symptoms in some other time after the period of medication.  It took me a year to seek medical options in different medical centers in Cebu. Until I found the Rainbow Playroom Psychological Services in Cebu City.

I met Sir Enrique and Tita Peachy from Rainbow Playroom and it was great to meet them because I learned so many things from their workshops. So I decided to take counseling and performed therapeutic methods such as meditation, breathing techniques, and sort of question & answer portion. From that experience, I learned how to handle myself when I have anxiety attacks.

I decided to blog because I want to expand my talent through writing content and collaborate with many people and businesses in Cebu. It was a good choice to run the world without any expectation because I served it as my training ground and a new beginning. I met many established people in the blogging industry and few of them are becoming my close friends and clients.

Until the very far, I became clueless and worried about this journey because there are many opportunities coming and it is very overwhelming. I take so many responsibilities and commitments because I am capable to handle multiple things. Despite the fact that I can do art and content at the same time.

Suddenly it became exhausting and boring.

I can’t imagine that I have done many things in 2018, even though I have an 8-hour job and handled freelance projects at night. I think this year is very new to me. I feel so inconsistent with my commitments and I can’t execute well with my current projects. Then it wasn’t easy to handle people with strong points of view and ideas for the organization, and suddenly I became clueless and not so worthy of my role as a leader. I am not comfortable with personal messages of different suggestions on what kind of group or a leader must be. Yes, it was good to receive some feedback and comments,  but it became harsh to me nowadays. In my career as a freelance designer, I lost my concentration on performing my projects for some reason that I am not interested to do it. Perhaps,  I am motivated on my fitness journey due to my physical condition of having hyperlipidemia or High Cholesterol.

That is why I have to figure out some things in my mind. Is it my Anxiety, or am I depressed?

Everything looks great when I embraced these struggles in my life and it feels like I live life at a normal phase. So I don’t care if I feel anxious or nervous because it will pass and GOD is there to protect me. Sometimes, our mind telling us that being not okay is chaos. If we feel so bad about our circumstances in life, just pull out your inner energy and make it louder. It is a spiritual approach that we can move forward and everything is gonna be alright.

It is normal to feel anxious when things come out and you can’t handle. Yes, it is very overwhelming. There many ways to find a clue that you can handle everything. Just take it easy! Don’t mind about the time, urgency, and the so-called “responsibility”. We can break and pause for a moment anytime. If you feel depressed or anxious, it’s okay! You are not alone.